kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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