their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
