At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
