I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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