Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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