if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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