dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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