she smelled like a LAN party
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
