We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
