Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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