i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
