I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
