I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
