You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
