dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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