can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
