why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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