Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
