apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
