yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ladies don't puke and tell
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
