Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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