i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
