I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
