I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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