I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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