Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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