i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
