Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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