Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
