Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize