When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
