I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
