"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
