I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
