one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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