Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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