Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize