She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
