You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
