Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
