need another drink. this is the easiest way
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize