She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
