I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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