dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
