nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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