if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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