Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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