On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
