morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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