I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
