I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
