I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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