you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize