By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
