my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
