I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
smell my finger.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think your dad took our porno
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
