I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
