They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
