Sponge bath it is.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i will never coherently bang her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
