I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
