I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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