I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
