What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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