I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
