I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I need to align my fucking chakras
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
