shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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