How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
