Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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