i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
