Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
