friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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