I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
