Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The adults are the big ones right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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