Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
