If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
