I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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