I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
