If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
