You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
