I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
