He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
