It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
